I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
do herpes really smell.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
