I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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