Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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