Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize