there's paper in my vomit.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
