he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
