Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize