what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
