Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
