well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
