idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
