I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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