She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
