Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
