2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
