3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
