My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
