i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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