Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
be right there i have to get my cape
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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