drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
