I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So squirting runs in the family.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
