Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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