is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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