I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
