I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
