Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
