she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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