Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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