I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
