Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
