someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
