Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Let's get the cat blown out
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
