i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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