Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize