You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
