So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
