i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
