i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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