I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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