guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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