There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
