sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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