Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
