I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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