dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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