One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize