His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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