Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Let's paint friendship bongs
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
