you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
