her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
