The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
