My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
