you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
