I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
and i looked up. we had an audience...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
