Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
