i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize