Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize