mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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