There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
