I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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