You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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