Porn is love you can see.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
