Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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