My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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