Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
